I got a chance this weekend to finally catch Suicide Squad. I have to say I was thoroughly disappointed. By the time Amanda Waller finished her steak dinner, I too was done. Seriously?! You introduce your heroes/villains with a weak montage of low end action sequences?! That’s enough to make me want to dine and dash! There was no substance or stakes in the film. There wasn’t enough to it to make me care about…anything. But, I am not mad at the movie. Heck, this is par for the course for the DCCU, right? I am mad at the trailer. So here’s my open letter to the Suicide Squad trailer.
Dear Suicide Squad Trailer;
How could you? Really. You’re an epic failure of a trailer. I feel like you slapped me in the face. You were the promise of something so awesome, and yet when it all boils down to it, you’re just a fraud.
I get that you needed to fill those seats on your opening weekend so that you could keep the pencil pushers and bean counters at Warner Bros. happy. I get that that Deadpool guy is harshing on your chi. But, you need to be honest with yourself and just own up to the fact that you are just a poser.
You’re like that person who pumps up their on-line dating profile with stats and fun things that look good on paper, but you end up just being a creepy husk of a person in real life. You’re like a bad date gone horribly wrong. I won’t be back in two and two, and there’s no love connection to be found, that’s for sure.
“But I’m a fan of Queen and Ballroom Blitz!” you say. “Didn’t you like the music?” Yeah I did, and that’s why I am mad. You busted out these songs and made me believe that Bohemian Rhapsody would maybe be synonymous with two awesome movies. Nope. You’re a shame. You’re worse than a fan-boy who claims to have been to every concert, yet you only seem to know just the one song from said band. In fact, I demand on the souls of Wayne and Garth, that you purge the awesome track of Freddy Mercury from all and any Suicide Squad related materials.
“Wasn’t the trailer filled with awesome action though? I thought it was exciting!” You stammer. Yeah, but you pretty much showed me everything there was. You don’t give up the goods like that. Leave me wanting more. Leave me wanting to see something exciting. Tempt me. Instead…you blew it. PFFFFT!
“But you liked the characters, right?! I mean, they looked good right?!” No. There was no substance, dear Trailer. You made it look like there was some rich chemistry, but alas, the formula fell flat.
So for now, sweet trailer, go think about what you have done. And stay away from Rogue Squadron. I’m warning you. PS – You suck.
Old Man Aaron. Out!